The ups and downs... and weird pregnancy sensations

I had a near complete emotional breakdown yesterday. It seems to becoming a weekly occurance, usually on Thursdays... So a warning to my family, you might want to be busy on Thursday! :-P

Poor me!

What started as a simple incident of dropping a bottle of Tobasco on my dish of peeled, hard-boiled eggs and shattering it all over the rest of my breakfast, quickly became a full-on cryfest. Punctuated by me crying in the fetal position on my bed, which is part of the kitchen right now, thanks to our home renovation project. So my kids looked on in wonder as their female role model acted like a toddler for 20 minutes while my wonderful husband cleaned up the broken mess and attempted to reassemble my breakfast.

The day didn't improve much due to some very unpleasant tasks on my to-do list, which included speaking to OB offices about the possibility of coming in to see them as my backup for my planned homebirth and informing various volunteer jobs that I need to cut back on my participation or quit.

As a result I had my first killer run of heartburn for this pregnancy. Yuck. Topped off by the odd and new-but-familiar sensation of my ab muscles being stretched beyond belief. After a good night sleep, I think that the baby and/or my uterus must have been growth spurting yesterday causing my hormones to reel out of control and my belly to feel like it was being filled beyond capacity. Or that is what I am choosing to believe... because I couldn't possibly be responsible for crying like a two year old, right?

Here is to a better weekend for all of my pregnant and non-pregnant friends.

Trying to slow down... Not finding much success

Cool image from: http://timwit.wordpress.com

On of the biggest changes I've tried to make during this pregnancy was to try and slow down and enjoy the waiting time. Savoring the last moments with my big kids before adding another child; enjoying the internal and external signs of my pregnancy; and most important, not feeling over burdened with outside obligations.

I never believed I would experience pregnancy again. After many miscarriages and two ectopic pregnancies I was told by physicians that my remaining uterine tube was probably blocked and without IVF, I would never carry another baby to term. So I dedicated myself to moving on, applying to nursing school and filling my life with service as a Sunday School teacher, committee volunteer and Girl Scout leader.

When I first found out we were expecting this miracle, I felt confident that I was not doing too much and could continue on with my life without stress. But as time has passed, once again I became aware that I had again began to ignore the physical signs of my pregnancy. I have been fighting the increased need for rest; setting aside my need for emotional space and forcing myself to continue my social involvements; and just plain believing that I could "overcome" my pregnancy if I just kept working hard enough. This is the same thing I did when I worked through my other two pregnancies.

This isn't enjoying life! This isn't honoring the gift I have been given! In fact this is the precise opposite and not preparing me for a restful and healthy postpartum period. I am actually allowing the race of life to sweep me along instead of stopping to enjoy where I have arrived. So starting today I'm taking control back. I'm making provisions for as many responsibilities as possible. I'm planning to spend the next 18 weeks (or less!) peacefully gestating, loving my kids, embracing every sign of this miracle, whether it is convenient or not. And I'm planning a nice, long babymooon, which may or may not stretch through the summer and into the fall. It isn't easy to say "no"... Or "I can't", but when I look at what is at stake, it becomes much easier.

Week 21 Pregnancy Update (Halfway there!)

Or more than halfway, if this baby comes as early as his/her sisters! Madeline was urged to come out right at 37 weeks and Autumn came at 38 weeks and 1 day.

The girls are so adorable. They recently discovered that if they talk loud enough at my belly, they can get the baby to move. Whenever I/they leave or come home they have started kissing my belly and saying "hi/bye" to "their" baby. So excited to watch them be much older siblings to this little one!

So this picture was take right around 21 weeks, although my midwife has me at a week later. My belly is measuring 6-7 weeks ahead. This is pretty usual for me, yes, I'm certain there is only one baby and I don't think this baby will be huge- this is due to my complete lack of abdominal muscle tone. Haha.

My energy level is close to normal. I still look forward to my afternoon siestas as often as I can take one. Lately, I've been listening to my Hypnobabies Special Place/Easy, Comfortable Childbirth tracks to get ready for next month's class and I feel energized when it ends.

No cravings... unless you count crunchy raw veggies and water. Ha. This is a very big change from my last pregnancies when I was relying on a DQ Blizzard every night for my calcium. As a result I'm only up about 12 pounds so far. Not too bad considering I had gained at least 30 pounds by this point with both of the girls. I'm hoping for a nice average weight gain this time- 20-35 pounds. Healthy and normal!

Speaking of, I am still running 3 days a week with Hal. The other days I've been doing other stuff and using exercise videos. So far I haven't found one that I like. Too much jumping and abs... I need something that is simple, old fashioned aerobics!

We tore the wall separating our bedroom wall from the "backroom" wall to allow us to expand it so we have room for the birthpool (!) and then the cosleeper and rocker/recliner. I'm hopeful that it will be finished in the next 4-6 weeks, so I'll have plenty of nesting time. In the meantime I'm adjusting to living with dust and mess for awhile.

But... this is getting more real! I'm really enjoying this pregnancy so much. I know I'll be ready when this little one is born. But I'm loving every moment of gestating, trying to be present and absorb it all.

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I Reviewed The Birth House by Ami McKay on Goodreads! (4 stars)

The Birth House by Ami McKay

My rating: 4 of 5 stars

As a birth worker, I was somewhat excited to find a work of fiction about a midwife. To my surprise and joy this book was not so much a story about midwifery as it was about the coming of age of a young woman at the turn of the 20th century.

But being that it is a book rooted in midwifery and portrays obstetrics in its earliest state, I do feel the need to comment on my thoughts about this aspect of the plot. When I first started reading, I had just found out I was pregnant and interviewing homebirth midwives. As most people know, there is quite a schism in the homebirth community about the state of licensing of the profession of midifery with many consumers and midwives concerned that licensing will restrict their choices in birthing. Reading this tale, which shows the blend of science, trial and error and superstition that lies at the root of traditional midwifery was almost too much for me to handle. I put the book down for several weeks, furious that this book was seeking to glorify the primitive and portray medicine as not in the best interest of women.

But when I finally picked the book back up this week, I found myself riveted, finishing the final hundred pages in two days. The message was far from glorifying traditional midwifery over medicine. Rather, seeing the early state of obstetrics as clumsy and ineffective and the primitive and mostly luck-based practice of midwifery made me glad to be giving birth a hundred years after the events in this book took place. Our choices are so much greater and actual than they were then.

It also fueled my anger at those who seek to continue this ancient battle, posing midwifery and medicine at odds, ignoring the leaps we have made in medical science to save those moms and babies who would have died. The portrayal of pre-eclampsia (without naming it) was downright frightening to read as a birth professional, when I realized that they didn't know what pre-eclampsia was at that time!

Bottom line, this is an extremely well-written historical novel and I highly recommend it to anyone, especially women and especially birth workers. But I do feel that it could be entertaining and a good read for anyone.

View all my reviews

WOW! Check out this amazing Hypnobabies birth story shared by one of my students

In Hypno-Mom, Nicole's own words...

When I signed up for my Hypnobabies class I had fairly low expectations - I just wanted to get through the birth of my baby without having a panic attack. The pain-free birth experience presented in the Hypnobabies testimonials – an experience which I was supposed to enjoy instead of just survive - sounded too much like an infomercial pitch to be true. With my history of anxiety and panic disorder and the birth stories I had heard from my friends who had recently become mothers, I thought my panic-free birth goal was lofty enough and the stories of joy and peace I read about on the Hypnobabies website were completely unrealistic. I was very committed to a natural, drug-free birth though, and knew I needed some serious tools to keep me calm enough to accomplish that, so I jumped headfirst into the Hypnobabies preparation work. The first time I didn’t consciously hear the majority of one of the CD scripts, but did hear the cue to come out of hypnosis, my confidence in the program skyrocketed. “Maybe this hypnosis stuff really works,” I thought to myself. As I continued to practice and prepare, I grew even more confident. As my birthing time grew closer, there was no doubt in my mind that I was going to have a peaceful and joyful birth – not just a birth without a panic attack. I actually have never felt less anxious than I did during my pregnancy – a state which I attribute largely to the wonderful relaxation techniques I was practicing every day. When I was preparing for the birth, I thought that the number of tools in the program was a little overkill, but I found that different tools worked (and didn’t work) at different stages of my birthing time. Through the entire experience though, the little voice of doubt and fear which was periodically whispering in the back of my mind was consistently and firmly over-ridden by the positive, calming messages and affirmations I had learned in my Hypnobabies class.

My birthing time began as I was making dinner on the day after my guess date. The initial pressure waves were so mild that I thought I had just spent too much time on my feet that day. I went to bed that night still not convinced that the baby was actually on its way. I spent an average nine-months-pregnant night waking up to use the bathroom more times than I care to count. When I woke up the next morning, those strange crampy feelings hadn’t gone away and were getting stronger, longer and closer together – just like my Hypnobabies instructor told me they would when it was time. I decided to time a few of these sensations. By the time my husband, Daryl, came downstairs, I had a list of pressure waves spaced about 5-6 minute apart instead of the list of kick counts he had become accustomed to finding in the morning. I took a shower while Daryl called our midwife and finished the last minute packing for the birth center. By the time I finished showering, the pressure waves had become strong enough that I had to sit down to dry my hair. Daryl called the midwife while I retreated to my nest of pillows in our bedroom and turned on my Birth Day affirmations CD. By the time I finished listening to that CD and my Deepening track, my pressure waves were less than three minutes apart.

When we called the midwife again to tell her that it was time for us to come to the birth center, I was so confident and relaxed that she didn’t believe my pressure waves were as close together as I told her they were. I was just relaxing and using my Hypnobabies tools one by one. She let me come in the birthing center to be checked after that phone call though and it’s a good thing she did. I was completely dilated when we got there and our shocked midwife told me I could start pushing if I wanted to. I was so in-tune with my body and the birthing process that I knew I was complete and had been breathing the baby down in the car. She thought it was hilarious that I told her this so calmly and that I followed that comment up with telling her that I had thought it best to withhold that piece of information from my husband while he was driving because I wanted to get to the birthing center alive. I continued to push at my own pace doing just what my body told me to do with the Pushing baby out CD playing in the background. My son was born an hour and half later. He was beautiful, healthy, alert and calm. As she was leaving, the midwife told me that births like mine are why she is a midwife. Thank you, Hypnobabies, for giving me the skills to have such a wonderful and empowering birth experience. You have earned a set of life-long advocates in my husband and myself!

Vanessa here: Nicole and Daryl took my Hypnobabies class in 2010 to prepare for the birth of their first child. Their experience is similar to many Hypnobabies couples- the comfort and control many moms feel bring them and those around them amazement and joy. I feel so blessed to have been a part their birth preparation journey!

Winter 2012 Hypnobabies classes added in Pittsburgh

I was planning to take the winter and spring off for school, but I just couldn't do it! So I am offering two winter session of Hypnobabies in Pittsburgh.

The dates are:

• Winter 2012 Session 1: 1/4, 1/11, 1/18, 1/25, 2/1, 2/8 (Wednesdays)
• Winter 2012 Session 2: 2/22, 2/29, 3/7, 3/14, 3/21, 3/28 (Wednesdays)

These classes are excellent for those having babies in late winter, anytime in spring or even early summer! These will probably be the last series I teach before Fall 2012.

What is Hypnobabies, you ask? Click here for an FAQ
And when in your pregnancy should you take a childbirth class? Find a calendar here

Dozens of families have benefited from using hypnosis to prepare for their babies' births. Don't you deserve to enjoy your baby's birth in joy and comfort? Try a free hypnosis session today to see what Hypnobabies is all about!

And don't forget, you can also get the same great hypno-tool by using the Hypnobabies Home Study available here on Amazon.com